This Is What You Get When You Study Astronomy...

Schola Quotes from Astronomy Class:

“After I give you a bunch of details and cool stuff about what the heck Astronomy is, I’m gonna go implode in my bed.”

“Oh… gosh. The moon looks, well, lunar.”

“All these bored scientists with their diet cokes and they’re all like ‘What if Ptolemy was right? Could we still put men on the moon?’ and all their bros are like ‘Oh man. Deep. Deep.’”

“Sometimes, guys… the stars go… backwards. What the heck? This is the stuff of a horror film.”

“Galileo… he’s a problem.”

“Horoscopes are dumb, guys. Oh look! Two-headed alien born to… President Obama’s dog.”

“Rome doesn’t do anything new. They just dandify old Greek stuff. They’re the knock-off brand.”

“Oh my gosh, tomorrow my horoscope says I’m gonna fall in a ditch! And then meet a girl! No.”

“Most modern astronomers don’t even go outside and can’t name Orion to save their souls, because things are so techy. Get back to your lawnchairs and winter coats!”

“I saw this cool star in the sky last night… Oh really? Where? … uh, in the sky… That’s like saying ‘Where do you live?’ and they say ‘In the US.’ Well, you’re dumb.”

“Let’s pretend to be geocentrics.” 

“Anyone else in GB3 that can relate to my recent mental obsession with Hell? Yes? Oh, good. I am not alone here. Here in Limbo. Just kidding, this is Astronomy.” 

“Sometimes my mouth keeps going and my brain has no idea how to catch up. It’s like my mouth is going west and by comparison my brain is going south, but it’s not really. I’m at war with my carnal flesh... my brain is so much more elevated.” 

“Sarah said ‘You are a better woman than I, Mrs. Jahn’ and then I knew: Mrs. Jahn was set on All Attendees, and I had been ignoring her all through class-time. And horror flapped around my head, as Dante would say.” 

“Those planets, they’re so irregular. You can bet they were subject to the Fall.”